Ask a Long Island Divorce Lawyer: Five Mistakes To Avoid When Getting Divorced

Divorce is not something that most people want to think about. Just the word itself tends to leave happily married couples uncomfortably shaking in their boots. However, in many situations, divorce is not only necessary but beneficial to everyone in the long-run. Whether a couple made a mistake by getting married in the first place, grew apart over the years, or simply has come to the conclusion that it's time to go their separate ways, divorce isn't always all bad. In fact, a divorce can sometimes be the best solution for a family. With that being said, there are some very common mistakes that our firm has seen individuals make in the divorce process. Our goal is to help you avoid making costly mistakes and find the answers you need.

Mistakes happen. Divorce isn't always easy. In many cases, relationships degrade to a point of unhealthy destruction. Negative emotions tend to run rampant leading to mistakes that would usually be easily avoided. Tension runs high, emotions boil over, and rationality flies out the window. It happens to the best of us, and at our firm, we've seen it all. That's why we want to give you some food for thought. It is our hope that you can avoid some costly mistakes in your divorce. Below, we will discuss some of the most common mistakes that we've seen people make during the divorce process. Knowing what not to do may just help your divorce go a little bit smoother and cheaper!

 Remember, every divorce is different. This means that only a skilled divorce lawyer will be able to answer your questions as they apply directly to your case. We want our clients to be armed with the information that they need. That's why we have created this guide to clear up certain divorce-related misconceptions and falsehoods. To learn more about the best-reviewed divorce lawyer options for your unique case, we encourage you to call our firm. We have some of the most skilled and experienced Long Island divorce lawyers around. Our top divorce lawyer team is here to help! We can schedule a consultation and help you answer your most complex questions.

 Mistake 1. Becoming Petty, Emotional, and Vengeful

This is easily the number one mistake that couples in the midst of a divorce make. After all, there are usually a lot of negative emotions involved in a divorce. Both spouses are often angry, hurt, sad, and full of other complex emotions that can be hard to process.

We aren't saying you don't have a right to your feelings. Rest assuredly, you do. The thing is, no matter what your spouse has done, you both have rights. Your lawyer will help you protect those rights. Going rogue and trying to execute justice vigilante style almost never helps. In fact, a judge will usually see right through someone who is being vindictive or petty. The court sees this almost every day. It's their job to divide things fairly, safely, and in accordance with New York's laws.

Your lawyer will usually advise you to keep your emotions in check. We know that this can be hard, extremely hard, but it will help ensure that things will work out better for you in the long-run. Leaving your emotions at the door will almost always help your case. We aren't saying you have to be a robot, and we aren't saying you have to lie about how you feel. The thing is, you will need to be rational, reasonable, and calm in court. Your side of things will be represented and your interests will be protected. However, carrying a load of emotional baggage into the courtroom will more often than not hurt you. This isn't Judge Judy, it's your life. The calmer, more rational, and more fair you seem, the better your chances of receiving a good outcome in court.

Child support, alimony, and equitable distribution of your assets will be handled with fairness from the Court. These subjects are not influenced by emotion. They are handled with equality. This goes for child custody as well. The court will try to do what is in the best interest of the children involved, not what the angriest spouse demands. Even if your spouse is being horrible, petty, and ill-tempered, it's up to you to keep your cool.

So remember, a divorce is not an avenue for you to exact your revenge on your spouse. You'll have to let Karma take care of that. A divorce is a way for you to protect your legal rights, move forward, and get out of a legal marital relationship. Your attorney will walk you through a realistic divorce strategy that protects your rights, assets, and family. It will be your job to keep calm and carry on.

Mistake 2. Illegally Getting Into Your Spouse's Texts, Emails, Bank Account, Etc.

 This is a big issue and we see it all the time. Clients often come to us with something that they found in their spouse's email account. They don't see an issue with the fact that they logged in and printed off pages to show to our firm. After all, they've been married to this person for who knows how long. If you have been married for a while, you probably have your spouse's passwords (or at least some great password guesses) too. Maybe you don't, maybe your spouse changed their passwords when the divorce was filed and you're tempted to hack into their email anyway. Please, we beg you, don't. We are telling you now, do not break into your ex's accounts and go on an emotional rampage! Even if they once gave you permission to. We will explain why.

When you or your spouse decides to file for divorce, all of these permissions are technically revoked. It doesn't matter if they got a new device and forgot to disable their Gmail account. It doesn't matter if at one point they didn't care whether you read all of their mail. Things have changed. Reading your spouse's email is a bad idea, and it's illegal. You read that right.

According to "The Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1986," you are "prohibited from hacking offenses. Even seeking access to a 'protected' (. i.e. bank or government) computer connected to the internet is a misdemeanor under federal law." So, please, don't give your spouse this ammunition. Let us handle things for you. We can, we know how to, and we will.

If you really need email information, your lawyer can legally and legitimately make a discovery request. Through the discovery process, all kinds of relevant information can be uncovered. Also, any emails that you do somehow get away with digging up, are almost always guaranteed to never see the light of day as they will not be admissible in court.  At least ask us first. Let us guide you in this process so that your efforts can be directed where they need to be: at your legal court case, in a legal way.

One more thing. Not only is it illegal and unnecessary to hack into the email accounts of your spouse, but it isn't good for your emotional state. Snooping around will inevitably stir up some highly negative emotional responses. It always happens. Always! This is really not what you need when you're trying to calmly handle your divorce. Take it from us, leave your spouse's accounts alone. Someday, you may even look back on this all and laugh. There's no reason to make yourself miserable while also breaking the law.

Mistake 3. Blasting Your Soon-To-Be-Ex on Social Media

Here's another one that we see all the time. You're hurt, you're angry, your spouse is the scum of the earth, you need emotional support, the list goes on and on. You have to stop. In the world of divorce, social media posts are sometimes admissible as evidence. This can be evidence used against you. How you may ask? Well, first of all, you don't know what strategy your spouse has devised with their lawyer. What's that? They don't have a lawyer yet? They can get one. But you're only posting the truth, you may say. Well, the truth can be twisted.

Look, we get it. You are in a rough place. We don't blame you, and we understand. Which is why we are giving you this advice. If you need to vent, by all means, vent. Just don't do it on social media. This includes TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all of them. Find a trusted friend or family member and vet in private. Talk to a therapist, pastor, life coach, whoever. Whoever you need to talk to, do it privately, and discreetly. This can save you more headaches and hurt in the future. Keep your composure, you've got this.

Mistake 4. Taking the Terrible Advice of Someone With No Experience

If we had a nickel for every time someone repeated bad advice that they'd gotten from an unreliable source, well, we would have a whole lot of nickels. All too often we hear, "I only did this because so and so said that it meant I wouldn't have to pay alimony," or "I heard that I would get more child support if I did this," and the list goes on. Subjects like spousal maintenance, alimony, child custody, and the like, are important. You need the facts, not the rumors.

 Please don't take bad advice. You should know, most divorce-related advice will be bad advice if it doesn't come from your actual divorce lawyer. This is because only your lawyer will know the ins and outs of your exact case and how they apply in New York.

Even those individuals with the best intentions may not be correct when it comes to legal specifications. Your lawyer, however, will know exactly what's going on. As such, only your lawyer will be able to answer your legal questions correctly. This is what you've hired them to do, after all. Well-meaning friends, parents, co-workers, and anyone else, might actually give you advice that will hurt you in the end. Before you act on the advice of anyone who isn't your lawyer, give us a call. Simply run it by your divorce attorney first; it's pretty easy. That way you're safe, and our job is easier, and your bill is lower. As our client, we want the best outcome for you. We are here to protect your rights, and that's what we will do. If you have questions, call and ask your lawyer. It's that simple.

Mistake 5. Neglecting to Hire a Top Divorce Lawyer Right Away

The final mistake on this list is neglecting to hire a good divorce lawyer. Hiring a great attorney as soon as possible is a great way to protect yourself, your family, and your rights in court. Divorces can get messy. There are often unforeseen obstacles that can quickly escalate and become overwhelming. All too often, clients only seek legal counsel or advice after things have gotten difficult, overwhelming, or downright sketchy. We aren't saying that a lawyer can't help you at this point, just that it's a lot easier when things are still in the beginning stages.

Hiring a divorce lawyer the moment you realize that a divorce is imminent is smart. Whether you're filing for a divorce yourself or your spouse has just served you with divorce papers, getting a good attorney in your corner is extremely wise. This is one of the simplest ways to avoid making costly mistakes with your divorce, keep things civil, and keep things fair. Your attorney will use all of their experience to help you. They'll apply their best efforts toward ensuring that your case will be resolved easily, efficiently, and quickly.

Our firm offers top divorce lawyers with years of experience with divorce as well as in other areas of family law. We can help you chart a tactical course of legal action that will work well for your life. We've got some of the best-reviewed divorce lawyers in Long Island. We are talking about experienced trial attorneys who have seen hundreds of successful case outcomes. We're here to help, and advise you to contact us early on.

Finding The Best Reviewed Divorce Lawyer for Your Case

Have you been considering getting a divorce? Are you in the midst of divorce already and feel like you're in over your head? Do you need divorce assistance in the Long Island area? We can help. Our skilled lawyers can answer complex questions about matters like custody, visitation, child support, spousal maintenance (maintenance and alimony), equitable distribution, valuation of assets, marital residence, business valuation, and much more. Feel free to call and schedule an appointment with an experienced Long Island divorce lawyer from our firm today. We will assign you the best divorce lawyer for your specific needs. That way, you can start moving your case in the right direction. No matter what stage your case is currently at, we can help.